168437

Joke of the Day

"Where were these Terrorists when Seth Rogen did the Green Hornet?!?!?"

"What's the difference between a kidney bean and a chickpea? I've never had a kidney bean on my face."

"I made a Pokemon team based around paralyzing my opponents. I'm a firm believer that there is strength in numbers."

"People keep asking me why I'm working for Dr Frankenstein. I'm only trying to make a living."

"Why is six afraid of seven? Seven made six confused."

"[me adjusting paintball mask] it's too bad we aren't on the same team date: yeah"

"I'm trying to teach my toddler how to headbang but he's pissed because he wants a bottle. I told him to save that anger for the mosh pit."

"*mops up wine with cat*"

"[IAmA request] UPS delivery man. I hope OP delivers."

"This cracked me up at work tonight! Did you hear about the famous actress that slit her throat tonight? What's her name? Reese... Reese Witherspoon? No with a knife"