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Joke of the Day

"Be safe this weekend, otherwise your dumb friends will end up telling some local news reporter how you were always the ""life of the party."""

"Inventor displays the first knife ever. His friend, ""that's the greatest invention since bread"" Inventor, ""well I'm about to blow your mind"""

"I inform my 4 year old that she's going to a friend's house 5 minutes before we leave so she only asks me when we're going 6000 times."

"What do you call a bike in NYC that has been standing out in the sun for hours? Tire-less"

"My granma got my granpa a new pair of pants. When I asked him how they fit, he said, ""like a cheap castle"". When I looked confused, he explained, ""no ballroom"""

"People like to put words in your mouth, predictive-text likes to put words in your phone."

"I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time."

"What do you call a racist dog from Animal Crossing? KKK Slider"

"Why is it best to ship boxes using a UPS truck? The DOWNS truck is a little slow."

"you know its cold out... when you go outside, and its cold out. (tried this in /r/antijokes , thought the rest of the joke world might appreciate)"