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Joke of the Day

"How to curse like an Irishman ""Whale oil beef hooked!"""

"My 9 year old ran away for an hour and by the time he came back my wife had already turned his bedroom into a yoga studio."

"Never underestimate a woman sitting quietly in a corner sharpening a knife."

"What did the asian parents call their retarded son? Sum ting wong"

"Internet porn? When I grew up... ...it was hard to come by."

"There are two types of people in this world: Those that pee in the shower....and dirty fucking liars."

"I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car."

"People don't usually compliment me on my driving... But today I saw a note on my car that said ""PARKING FINE"". That was nice of them. ... I'll escort myself out."

"Why can't you ever really trust your toilet? It's usually full of shit."

"Tutorial: How to make sure your Reddit post blows up Ill tell you if this reaches 50 upvotes edit: ~~added joke~~ update"