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Joke of the Day

"My cat that died 3 years ago got a letter saying she needs to register if she wants to vote, showing how well Florida handles elections."

Next Joke
 
"Here it is, folks: ""Do imaginary octopi have ... (wait for it) (wait for it) PRETENDACLES?"""
"At my age Friends with Insurance Benefits sounds just as appealing."
"What's the difference between Santa Claus and a bassist? Santa Claus has gifts"
"If my life had a soundtrack it would be the sound of a rusty gate slowly closing and then falling off its hinges onto a bunch of ugly cats..."
"What is Ahmed Mohamed's favorite band? Dethklok"
"How many MRAs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Trick question, MRAs never get to screw anything."
"What's the difference between mass and weight? Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday, and weight is where sundaes go on Catholics. (From a poster on the ceiling in my dentists office)"
"What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They're both en route to uranus to wipe out the klingons"
"What do you call the western half of Kenya? Kenya West"