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Joke of the Day

"If Reddit up/down voting were to be applied in real life as an immediate feedback of the spoken word crowed subway trains would be a much quieter place."

"Where do tv's go on vacation? To remote Islands"

"Dad cooks venison and doesn't tell the kids what it is He gives them one hint: ""It's what your mother calls me"" The boy yells: ""It's a FUCKING DICK! Don't eat it!"""

"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But a tooth is worth half an eye, so an eye for two teeth also works, if you're out of eyes."

"I just gave a woman $700 to put her screaming baby in the overhead compartment on this plane."

"When dad Waits to see you on thanks giving Son:We just Ate Dad:OK so you can be here at 5? Son:We'll see Son:how does the turkey smell Dad : I guess through its Beak"

"Scientists have deciphered hieroglyphics thought to be 5,500 years old. The first full sentence says ""This is a repost."""

"well, i guess this was bound to happen. i left the pot and the kettle on the stove overnight and the pot committed a hate crime."

"vote up cause im a criminal the rules for starting a thread im quoting ""Beginning your title with ""vote up if"" is violation of intergalactic law."""

"Just took $20 out of my friend Martin's wallet (he has ALS) because that ice bucket nonsense ruined my new kimono."