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Joke of the Day

"well, i guess this was bound to happen. i left the pot and the kettle on the stove overnight and the pot committed a hate crime."

"What element can combine with two nitrogens and an oxygen, and still have there be only one element? XeNON."

"What kind of vegetable comes to all your parties? A turnup"

"Sometimes when I'm bored I send a text to a random number saying, ""ok they're dead, what do I do with the body?"""

"""How do we spell this pasta?"" L ""Ok"" A ""Got it"" S ""Neat"" A ""Diggin it"" G ""What the hell"" N ""Wait"" A ""I have some questions"""

"*Pulls your panties to the side* *Tries to remember how I even ended up wearing your panties*"

"Can anyone tell me.... If I posted the joke about Alzheimers? I can't remember if I did."

"Haven't seen any UFOs lately. Wondering if the galaxy is downsizing their space programs too."

"Excuse me, Santa, but I still haven't received the first ""ho"" you promised me."

"Two men walk into a bar. You think one of them would have seen it..."