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Joke of the Day

"My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, And they're like ""It wasn't that hard."""

"What do redditors give one another on Christmas? Gifs."

"Procedure for being unthanked for door holding: 1. Keep eyes fixed on culprit 2. Say you're welcome 3. Shake head 4. Mutter ""unbelievable"""

"Dad said I wasn't allowed to go out wearing this skirt because it's ""too revealing""... Fuck you, dad, I'm a grown man and I'll do what I want!"

"what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Hellifikno"

"What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? Trump's tie"

"What's a Catholic's favorite way to send money? PayPal"

"""What are you doing, dad?"" ""Filing taxes... LOLJK... I'm googling ""non-extraditable countries"". Pack your bags, kid! We're going to Libya!"""

"My 2 year old wanted to race me home from daycare and I am TOTALLY winning. I don't even see her tricycle in my rear-view mirror."

"""Be there in 5,"" I text, though I am 30 minutes away, completely nude, and engaged in a fist fight with a neighbor."