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Joke of the Day

"When I woke up this morning, the garbage disposal was making a funny noise. Turns out he was just masturbating in the next room."

"""I decided I wanted to be a ninja so I googled ""Ninja School"", followed the link and the page could not be found. Well played, Ninja School"""

"I named my eraser Confidence It gets smaller every time I make a mistake."

"Surprise your girlfriend by hiding in her trunk until you're dead."

"What is Forrest Gump's favorite pasta? PENNAY!"

"What's brown and sticky? A stick."

"I want a job cleaning mirrors It's something I could really see myself doing."

"A dog walks into a bar ""I'll have one ... beer."" Bartender replies ""Why the pause?"" Dog says ""Because I was born with them, asshole."""

"Why Does Jesus suck at hockey? He's always getting nailed to the boards."

"HER: [whispering seductively] tell me your wildest fantasy ME: [also whispering] owning a home"