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Joke of the Day

"I was watching some strange porn the other night... ...it had a fat naked guy perched on the end of his bed, crying while he masterbated. Then I realised I hadn't turned the tv on."

"me: did you know beethoven was deaf date: the dog? me: of course the dog"

"I take off my blindfold. Before me is a gory tableau of death and destruction, bodies strewn across the landscape. The pinata is unscathed."

"The lights at this chinese dumpling place were too bright I had to ask them to Dim Sum"

"What's the National Vegetable of Israel? Ariel Sharon"

"Why does everyone mention that in space no-one can hear you scream instead of mentioning something positive like how no-one can hear u yodel"

"What happened to the ghost who couldn't scare? He had to join a support group since he couldn't handle his boos."

"Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself."

"I'm sorry, I'm about to lose you because I'm driving through a tunnel underwater in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone."

"I wear my tattoos on the inside. Ever since having discount back surgery from a guy named ""Spider."""