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Joke of the Day

"You know what they say about Hitler? He was this tall and he lived over there."

"Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN? A: Because she didn't know which one came first!"

"Big trouble in my kitchen tonight. The pot called the kettle black. The cup called the mug white. And they both called the teabag gay."

"Jack in the box ...is NOT an instruction."

"Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months"

"I took my cat to Build-A-Bear so he could see what's going to happen to him if he pees on the carpet again."

"Made it to the level of old where I turned down a beer so it wouldn't mess with the aftertaste of the milkshake I just had."

"What are the aardvark's favorite Beatle's songs? It's Been an Aards Day's Night and I Want to Hold Your Ant!"

"That's it! No more dick jokes! I'm only doing jokes about intellectual topics, like finance! Today the Vietnamese Dong remained firm against the Zambian Kwacha."

"I'm more emotionally invested in this sandwich than I am in most humans."