203621

Joke of the Day

"What kind of photos do turtles take? Shellfies"

"As I sat on the toilet this morning I was reminded of my first divorce. At first I thought it had been a clean break, but then it got messy and there was lots of paperwork."

"What do you call it when two cops dance? Pork Grinds"

"I asked my friend if he could tell me the chemical symbol for Neptunium He said it wasn't a problem but hasn't replied since"

"Two scientists walk into a bar. One asks for H2O, and the other asks for H2O too. They both die because the bar was in Flint, Michigan"

"I got arrested at an airport. Apparently, airport security didn't like it when I called shotgun."

"A handsome and well dressed old man walks into a bar... ... approaches a good looking elderly lady, and says: ""Do I come here often?"""

"We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year. We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, murder them, and take their land."

"I think tomorrow I'm going to respond to everyone using only lyrics from songs by The Dead Deads. Wish me some luck at the DMV."

"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."