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Joke of the Day

"To the co-worker who had a 17 min conversation with me and didn't tell me I had a smudge on my forehead. It's on!!"

"Spread me apart, lick, & enjoy my cream! ~Oreos, you pervs"

"If you put your face really close to a neck tattoo & slowly pull away, you can see a hidden design of the unemployment office."

"My mate tried some Walkers mystery flavour crisps last night and swore they tasted like his wife's pussy, He thought it was his imagination but everyone in the pub said he was right!"

"I was driving home today and got stuck behind a car with a bumper sticker that said ""Be an organ donor!""... They were doing 20 in a 30. I guess they aren't feeling that committed to the cause."

"Someone shit in your fridge? Well get a new family"

"(Date) ""What's wrong?"" Oh nothing I'm just a nervous hummer ""Aw how cute!!"" *perfectly hums the entire Jurassic Park theme at full volume*"

"A guy walks into a zoo that only had one animal in it. It was a Shih Tzu."

"If you receive an e-mail that says: ''FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS'' Don't open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets."

"For tax purposes, my carpe is now per diem."