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Joke of the Day

"Asked a hen how many eggs it lays daily? It said: two eggs I said: Oh strange! It said: what's strange? the fact that I lay two eggs? I said: no, the fact that you talk"

"Q: Why are the citizens of Damascus so solemn when talking about oil? A: Because it's Syria's business. (cross-post from /r/funny by request)"

"[guy in dark alley] Psst. Hey, lady... *opens trench coat* CHECK OUT- *dozens of bibles fall out* -our Lord and savior Jesus Christ"

"Bomb squads must love Daylight Savings Time because of the extra hour they get before the bomb explodes."

"I don't know how to tell my friends . . . that rather than hang out with them, I would prefer to be at home, alone, daydreaming about having better friends I would actually want to hang out with."

"I just said ""bye - bye"" when I ended a phone call, and now I'm debating on if I should have my milk & cookies before or after recess."

"A man using apple maps walks into a bar.. ..or maybe it was a church or a grocery store or something"

"Normal things that become creepy when you look both ways before doing them: Pick up a kid Unlock a door Load a rolled rug into your trunk"

"We were called to the Paralympics this year. Several wheelchair athletes were caught using the banned substance WD40."

"An old man is running through the halls of an old-folks home wearing a cape and yelling ""Super Sex! Super Sex!"" An old lady pokes her head out of her room and says, ""I'll have the soup."""