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Joke of the Day
"Which American state is not great, but not bad either? OK."
Next Joke
"My Girlfriend said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with pointing out obvious escape routes... So I showed her the door."
"A man and a Giraffe walk into a bar. The Giraffe gets drunk and falls on the floor unconscious. The bartender says ""you can't leave that lyin' there."" The man says ""its not a Lion, its a Giraffe"""
"Being a software engineer is pretty cool because I can just stare at my screen/zone out & if anybody questions me I say I'm optimizing code"
"""I don't have to outrun the bear! Just you!"" Wrong. Bears are so sick of that joke, they skip the slow guy and eat the fast guy now."
"i legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I'm in NYC"
"Why did Helen Kellers kid commit suicide You would also if your name was Hughhhawahfluh Keller"
"How do Ghosts lay foundations? With a spirit level!"
"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn."
"I hate when people look at me and proclaim ""well look what the cat dragged in"". Do I look like a dead bird, small rodent, or used tampon?"