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Joke of the Day

"Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni... That folks, is what drugs do to you."

"DISH FATHER: You can NEVER see that spoon again! *daughter dish starts sobbing* [outside the window, Spoon is thinking] we leave tonight"

"I went for a job interview in a Art Gallery today, but the interviewers seemed to hate everything about me. I didn't really paint a good picture of myself."

"What do you call a tree if you don't know what kind of tree it is? It's a mystery."

"Where do ants keep their armies? in their sleevies"

"My uncle once ejaculated on me Glad I got that off my chest"

"What do you call a lad that put on his glasses? Seymour."

"My wife said she had a doctor's appointment at 2:30. I asked her if she was sure it wasn't a dentist's appointment."

"Tequila! Vodka! Whiskey! I'm calling the shots."

"""Nazis!"" - the History Channel"