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Joke of the Day

"A Physics major finds his girlfriend in bed with another man. He threatens to take matters into his own hands."

"My couch has gotten so much ass today."

"What did the fish say when he hit concrete? Dam(n)."

"Wife: Could you be dehydrated? Me: Of course not. W: How much water have you had? Me: Two coffees & a bourbon. W: Wow. Me: Told you."

"Two consonants and a vowel go into a bar..."

"Have you ever eaten out a Chinese girl on her period? I hear it's a delicacy in some cultures. They call it Egg Drop Soup."

"Detective: Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk? Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans."

"Why did the cheese maker not enjoy the movie? <in a Dutch accent> Not much Gouda"

"I once farted in an elevator . . . it was wrong on so many levels."

"How do you know that there's a monster in your bath? You can't get the shower curtain closed."