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Joke of the Day

"""The sum of the cabbage is directly proportional to the square root of the carrot divided by the mayo. That is Cole's Law."""

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"At my job I am forced to deal with more cunts than a gynecologist."
"Why did the Stormtrooper buy an iPhone? He couldn't find the droid he was looking for."
"Do you know the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face."
"NEW YORK STATE OF MIND Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey."
"If only Africa had more mosquito nets... ...then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids. - Jimmy Carr"
"Hey, man. Can I get a cold one? ""Sorry sir, the morgue is closed after 6."""
"Don't let him know you're a hologram. Don't let him know you're a hologram. Interviewer: You've got the job! *extends hand* Me: Dammit"
"Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?"
"cop: ""you're drunk, get out of the car."" judas: ""bbut I've bbeen on tthe water all night."" - [jesus whistles innocently]"