202927

Joke of the Day

"I tried baby proofing my home.. But they keep getting in"

"Sleeping thoughts Sometimes when I go to sleep I like to look at the stars and just think... what the hell happened to my roof!?"

"""I see you have created a tiny human. I, too, have done this."" -me trying to make mom friends. Should I not whisper it? I'll try shouting"

"My recipe spilled over a little because I put baking soda in my chicken broth It wasn't a big soup rise"

"What did the CIA dogs say when they supsected they were being followed? Looks like we got a tail."

"The real question Am i the only one who thinks that porn websites should end in .cum instead of .com?"

"Dear Dreamworks, How to Train Your Dragon was not the instructional movie I was hoping for since acquiring a Komodo dragon"

"Did you know... Jesus created cross-fit. I guess you could say I really nailed that one."

"What does a neckbeard call a disease or ailment? ma'lady"

"I can't diet because it would devastate the local fast food economy, and frankly, I just don't think I could live with that kind of guilt."