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Joke of the Day

"Sleeping thoughts Sometimes when I go to sleep I like to look at the stars and just think... what the hell happened to my roof!?"

"You might say I'm socially constipated... ... ... I haven't given a shit in years."

"If a man runs over his wife, who's fault is it? The mans, why was he driving in the kitchen?"

"What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut .."

"Why did the sailor ground his son? His grades were below sea level ^^im ^^so ^^sorry"

"Here lies IcarusIsNotLonely, upon his gravestone lie his last words: ""Oh fuck, a car!"""

"I finally got my shit together. It's pretty gross. Wanna see?"

"Australians don't have sex. Australians mate."

"Research says that if you're afraid of spiders, you're most likely to find them in your bedroom. I'm afraid of men with accents so..."

"How do you say nachos in English?? Mine!"