202915

Joke of the Day

"I'm glad the Library of Congress is archiving tweets so that someday alien scientists will know why civilization fell."

"You ever see your kid looking so dirty at school and don't wanna pick him up? I just drove pass mine now like, 'Hell no, that is not my kid'"

"My Korean friend died yesterday... So Yung..."

"lower my casket into the ground and play ""The Lion Sleeps Tonight"" If you see someone not singing the Wimba Way part, kick them out."

"What's the difference between an Afghani Military Base and a Pakistani Elementary School? I don't know, I just fly the drone."

"Why'd God make women pretty but dumb? They're pretty, so men will like them. They're dumb, so they will like men. Courtesy of the great movie Ip Man 3 which I watched yesterday."

"My girlfriend told me she is sick of me quoting movies all the time I said quite frankly my dear I don't give a damn"

"Dude, what part of ""I don't speak your language"" don't you understand?"

"Why is unprotected ear sex unsafe? You can get hearing aids."

"Why do black people wear flares? because their knee grows"