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Joke of the Day

"I wish behavior in football was acceptable in all jobs. Like if u clear a paper jam out of the printer you can stanky leg on your boss' desk"

"Mathematicians have found a new, advanced strand of Ebola... called Hyper-bola I'm sorry :("

"why aren't mexicans and blacks suppose to have kids? because the children will be to lazy to steal."

"My heart hurts when you're not around *buuurrrrpp* Never mind"

"What did one snowman say the the other? Smells like carrots."

"I wish Beyonce & Jay-Z would get on stage and present their baby to the world like Mufasa did in the Lion King."

"So I met a Jewish girl at the bar last night... [NSFW] She asked me for my number so I wrote it on her arm. Haven't heard from her since..."

"Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we're pigs."

"My neighbor just died of an overdose. He forgot to take his homeopathic sleeping pills."

"So I'm drinking in a bar... ... And the waitress yells 'help! Does anyone know CPR?!' So I say 'Hell I know the whole alphabet!' So everyone laughs. Except this one guy."