202719

Joke of the Day

"Reports are now emerging from Russia that Putin rode the meteorite while shirtless, steering it away from a box of kittens."

"I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep."

"No, your baby was definitely crying before I dropped it, that's why I dropped it."

"My cat should run for President. When she gets excited she flip-flops all over the place."

"(Court) Judge: You're on trial for excessive use of astronomy puns. How do you plead? Defendant: *leans in until lips are on mic* No comet."

"What do you call a fart from a paraplegic? Inert gas."

"I've just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for his birthday. I guess I'll never know why he so badly wanted an ex box."

"my Grandma with alzheimer's at my Wedding asked where's the body?"

"What is the most awkward day in Harlem? Father's Day"

"*I throw u a kiss* *u duck* *it flies into space* [6 bn yrs later - the planet Xargx] LORD ZARG: Kill the- *kiss hits his cheek* LZ: Aww nvm"