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Joke of the Day

"(Court) Judge: You're on trial for excessive use of astronomy puns. How do you plead? Defendant: *leans in until lips are on mic* No comet."

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"Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas."
"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and they stink."
"My boyfriend is so bad at tongue-twisters, he can't even say ""I love you"" ONE times fast!!"
"You know you're getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink."
"What kind of soap do you use to clean a dirty joke? Bawdy wash."
"I invited a few friends to an orgy I was hosting... Everyone came."
"A woman entered a psychiatrist's consulting room leadind a kangaroo.""I'm worried about my husband doctor "" she said. ""He keeps thinking he's a kangaroo! """
"Hubs and I have fought so much lately I've lost 10 lbs. I thought about leaving him, but I'd like to lose another 10 lbs first."
"To the twenty something year old girls who think forty something year old women are jealous of them- enjoy your next 240 periods!"