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Joke of the Day

"*I throw u a kiss* *u duck* *it flies into space* [6 bn yrs later - the planet Xargx] LORD ZARG: Kill the- *kiss hits his cheek* LZ: Aww nvm"

"How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. But I don't know how they got in there."

"[Woods] SNOW WHITE: Oh, what a lovely little house! GOLDILOCKS: [in ski mask] Beat it, sister. I've been scoping this place out for weeks."

"How many coffees before I stop looking for shirts in my refrigerator"

"I'm very concerned with sleeveless shirts as of late I have a vested interest"

"What's the difference between the number 3 and David Cameron? One's a prime number, the other's a prime minister."

"A car almost ran into me and I screamed ""WOAHHHHHH THERE BUCKAROO"" I could have died and those would have been my last words"

"It's a good thing Maradona isn't still playing. Who knows what he'd do when the ref sprays that white line on the pitch."

"Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there? A: He's the one with a duck."

"It's ironic that Pistorius will wake up this morning and there really will be a burglar using his toilet."