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Joke of the Day

"Schizophrenia and Abandonment Issues I have schizophrenia and intense abandonment issues. I'm not worried: it's kinda like 1 + -1=0 since I'll never really be alone."

"Is a brain dead cow a vegetable? My room mate came up with this one earlier, has anyone ever heard it?"

"If the Narwhal bacons at midnight, what does it do at noon? It bakes off."

"I am all for self-belief, self-worth, self-esteem but a woman declaring herself hot and complementing herself on her own beauty smacks of serious desperation, delusion and self-conceit."

"I was at the theatre seeing a tragedy and the man behind me started wailing. I got hit in the head with a harpoon."

"Dear person who just turned in your resume with no name or phone number. You didn't get the job."

"So then the otaku says... That's no body pillow. That's my wife!"

"Big words Don't you just hate when people use big words to try and sound more photosynthesis?"

"I have an amazing gardener who's both vision impaired and dyslexic. His work is Mind BLowing"

"If I had a dollar for every girl I fucked ... ... I would be still fucking poor!"