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Joke of the Day

"Life is like a box of chocolates: Eventually it will kill your dog."

"Today's the 3rd anniversary of my joining Twitter. Also the 3rd anniversary of the last time I spoke to my family or read a book."

"Why couldn't the FBI find Sepp Blatter's bribe money? He used it all to bribe Canada to host the Women's World Cup."

"I bought my dog a brand new flatscreen for his birthday today - I even had it engraved! TO SHIBA"

"I hate when films say "" 'MAY' contain nudity?"" Either it does or it doesn't. DON'T WASTE MY TIME"

"Why did the suicide bomber not show up to work? He got mad at the wrong alarm clock."

"Did you hear about the blind circumciser? He got the sac"

"I told my friend to stop telling jokes about the Abominable Snowman Yeti still does"

"Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte"

"If i had two number 9s for every gender that exists I would have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45's, one with cheese, and a large soda."