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Joke of the Day

"Why did the suicide bomber not show up to work? He got mad at the wrong alarm clock."

"What's the difference between a fish market and Nicki Minaj? One has halibut and one has hella butt."

"This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, ""Would you please press 1?"" So I did. I don't remember much afterwards."

"Feminists hate words with masculine-sounding roots... ...maybe that's why none of them have any manners."

"I didn't believe the rumours about clowns being spotted all over the country Until I saw them debating on TV."

"I lost my rutabaga I'm sure it'll turnip somewhere."

"What's Whitney Houstons's favourite type of co-ordination? HAND-EEEEEYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE"

"If Apple made cars they would be Swedish. The car would be called the iKia."

"My boss just informed me its unprofessional to tell customers congratulations when they call in to change last name due to divorce."

"I just found out that people can still read words when they're in parentheses and holy shit do I have a bunch of apologies to write."