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Joke of the Day

"I want to start a towing company. I'll name it Jaques Crew Tow."

"Why did God create man first? To give him a chance to speak..."

"What do you get when you cross a weasel with a whale? A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding."

"Two Grandma's Are Walking Down The Street... One says to the other 'My chest is tight, and I feel heavy'. The other one replies 'That's because you're standing on your left titty.'."

"Why was the harvester pleaded guilty? Cause he's a cereal killer."

"The difference between being erotic and being kinky? It's erotic if you use a feather... ...but it's *kinky* if you use the whole chicken."

"How come Adele can call her ex 1,000 times and get a million dollars.... But when I do it, the Police show up."

"Yeah, I've got that Sexy Librarian thing going on. Except I'm not sexy. Or a librarian. I would like you to keep it down though."

"I just saw a midget get pickpocketed... I still can't believe someone could stoop so low."

"It's convenient for my password security needs that my mother's maiden name is Waffles4%"