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Joke of the Day

"Apple more profitable than Samsung still in 2015 Guess you could say they definitely out cell the competition."

"What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot."

"Why did Peter Parker get fired? He spent all day on the web."

"SCIENTIST: it's our thinnest toilet paper yet, sir. less than a picometer CEO: *rips it by breathing on it* put it in every public restroom"

"I unplugged my carbon monoxide detector from the wall today All that beeping was giving me headaches and making me feel nauseous"

"What did Melania Trump say to her speech writer? Thanks, Obama."

"The dinner I ate last night is going to give my grandchildren diabetes."

"Last time I had sex, it felt like the 100m Olympic final. There were 8 black men and a gun."

"If you're a monkey, your shit's always bananas."

"I think it might be fun to be an idiot-savant... ... but I'm having trouble with the savant part."