202283

Joke of the Day

"I dream to live in a world where I can politely get out of plans by saying, ""I'm so sorry, but I just remembered I don't want to"""

"My mom's favorite internet game is ""Log me into the Facebook. Is this the Facebook? Is that your brother? Why is he drinking upside down?"""

"How is marriage and CPR training the same? You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again"

"I'd never let my kids watch an orchestral performance. Too much sax and violins."

"Mom: I think I'll name her Jenny. Dr: I'm sorry, that name is already taken, but you can name her jenny_2828"

"My ex had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil I still don't know how much she charged him though."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good."

"What's the difference between officer Darren Wilson and Michael Brown? Officer Wilson can dodge a bullet"

"Why do New Zealanders have so many furry conventions? Because they're kiwis."

"Me - ""Hey kiddo, you have your shoes on the wrong feet"" My 6 year old - ""I ain't got no other feet"""