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Joke of the Day

"How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?? When she starts fitting in your wife's clothes!!"

"You know, Christmas is a lot like anal... Everyone always says it is better to give than to receive, but when you do you inevitably get shit in return."

"Web MD is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book where the ending is always cancer."

"Why are you breaking up with me? ""You treat your dog like a baby. It's weird"" Shh *puts hands over dog's ears* he's 26 months he understands"

"So a pirate walks into a bar, he has a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender goes: ""What are you doing with that thing?"" The pirate responds: ""Arr, its been drivin' me nuts."""

"People who process expired passports are so lazy they're always cutting corners. (Joel Dommett)"

"What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven."

"Whats got wrinkles and hangs out your undies? Your granny"

"Why did the hippy teach the lumberjack calculus? So he'd use natural logs!"

"On the 5th day of Christmas? Christmas is ONE day, Carol. Convert to Judaism if you need a longer holiday."