202006

Joke of the Day

"Kids today are too obsessed with their phones to care about the ""free candy"" on my van. *crosses off ""candy"" and writes ""wi-fi"""

"""Knock knock"" ""Who's there?"" And it was at that moment when Peter broke down in tears, having realized that his mother's Alzheimer disease had finally reached past the point of no return."

"Do you ever get shampoo in your eyes and wonder what the name of your guide dog will be?"

"When I first saw you from across the room, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you."

"My grandpa told me this before he kicked the bucket. He said, ""Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""

"hello 911 yes i touched wet food while doing the dishes i'd like to surgically remove my hand"

"[Poison Ivy's home] Voice from outside: YOU CONTROL PLANTS? WHAT KIND OF POWER IS THAT? Ivy: [thru window] Go home, Aquaman. You're drunk."

"If humans have politics, then what do bees have? POLLENtics"

"...People put the punch line in the title Don't you hate it when..."

"I like my women like I like my coffee All ground up and in the freezer."