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Joke of the Day

"[Poison Ivy's home] Voice from outside: YOU CONTROL PLANTS? WHAT KIND OF POWER IS THAT? Ivy: [thru window] Go home, Aquaman. You're drunk."

"Aaanndd I've just been peed on. Were I Tila Tequila I'd have met 1 of my New Years resolutions before the clock had even struck midnight"

"What happened to the man that lost his left arm and left leg His political beliefs are in line with the conservative section of the political spectrum"

"Do you know why turds are tapered? So your butt hole doesn't slam shut."

"Terrible advice for a suicide survival hotline: If at first you don't succeed..."

"My coffee tastes like dirt! What gives? It's fresh ground."

"Research shows vacuum cleaners can cause hearing loss. ""You should absolutely get rid of that monster,"" said one furry, panting scientist."

"Just dropped ranch dressing on my phone then licked it off. So some of you just got to first base with me."

"What time does Andy Murray go to bed? Tennish! "

"Show me on this Georgia O'Keeffe painting where the bad man touched you."