201850

Joke of the Day

"How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag? hint: take the ""S"" out of ""safe"" and the ""F"" out of ""way"""

"What do you call a British midget mother who can barely support her family? Mini-Mum"

"NSFW What word starts with a 'C' and then ends with 'U-N-T'? ""Count"" you dumb cunt."

"If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got ""YOLO"" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly"

"BlackBerry: being significantly less obvious than a magazine to carry into the office shitter since 2002."

"If you wear a ship's captain's hat around, people will just do what you say. I run a Starbucks, a Target, a submarine, and two street gangs."

"Friday night. Sitting in a bar. As the designated driver. NO, I'M NOT BITTER. I'M PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE OUT OF A SENSE OF WONDER."

"I will never forget what my grandad said just before he kicked the bucket. He looked me dead in the eye and said. ""Wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"""

"One direction splitting up? My daughter just announced to me she is in d-Niall :-)"

"How much do the potatoes cost? ""How much do the potatoes cost?"" - ""2.50"" - ""And the bag"" - ""The bag is free"" - ""Ok, give me the bag"""