201798

Joke of the Day

"Police: ""You were going fast."" Me: ""I was trying to keep up with traffic."" Police: ""There isn't any."" Me: ""That's how far behind I am!"""

"What's the name of the phobia for a fear of opening your mailbox because there might be a wedding invitation inside?"

"If you read enough tweets you can tell the approximate time the tweeter switched from coffee to alcohol"

"How do you tell the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste."

"Me: How do you like being an Uber driver. Driver: I don't work for Uber. Me: So, I just willingly climbed into a windowless van, didn't I?"

"Where did Napoleon Bonaparte keep his armies? In his sleevies."

"Waiter there is a worm on my plate ! That's not a worm sir it's your sausage ?"

"I shoudl not be expected to put my knee on the ground to propose to a woman, the same ground where the animals shit,"

"Wayne Rooney said he wants to be a manager after he retires ""Burger King or McDonalds"" was his response when asked where."

"I'm a bit racist. I think F1 is much better than NASCAR."