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Joke of the Day

"We asked 100 women what body-wash they preferred. 99% replied with: ""GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BATHROOM, YOU PERVERT!"""

"I think it's fun that witches chose brooms to fly on, but if I were them, I'd fly on a rifle. This way when you land you have a rifle."

"Making my voice mail message say ""Just hang up and text me."""

"Why did the policeman shoot the empty LED? It was a black one."

"Yo mama so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida."

"Listening to a global economy futurist. Pretty sure in 20 years Chinese parents will say ""Clean your plate, people in the US are starving."""

"There needs to be a universal hand signal to let people know they still have their blinker on. Mouthing ""you're dead asshole"" isn't working."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Abba ! Abba who ? Abba'out turn ! Quick march!"

"What did Geoffrey Dahmer say..... What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit? Are you going to eat that?"

"I'd rather be hit in the face with a shit-filled sock than to ever attempt helping my parents install a DVD player over the phone again"