201658

Joke of the Day

"You ever randomly hear your mom singing 'Candy Shop' and then die a little inside?"

"When I grow up, I want to spend 1/3 of my life sleeping, 1/3 staring at a computer in a tiny cubicle and 1/3 hating myself. (realistic kid)"

"What is reddits least favorite dish? Kung Pao Chicken"

"All dick jokes are essentially the same they just vary in length."

"Q: What do you call a bench full of white people?A: The MLB."

"Don't just assume I'm crazy. Let this wedding album I photoshopped you into speak for itself."

"What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table."

"hey wat was lenard nimoys favorite pet william ratner his rat"

"I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist."

"Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We've never met before, right?"