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Joke of the Day

"hey wat was lenard nimoys favorite pet william ratner his rat"

"""Dad, how did you fall in love with mom?"" ""Well, son, long story short I saw her picture on Instagram and it was love at first...filter."""

"Why do Italian men wear gold chains? So they know where to stop shaving."

"ME: My dog's so happy I'm working from home. DOG (to camera): Honestly, a heads up would have been nice. I had shit planned today."

"Roses are red and sometimes they're thorny, when I think of you, I get really ..............."

"I like my women how I like my light bulbs... Not too bright, easy to turn on and hanging from electrical wire in my basement."

"- How much for the mobile tampon? - Ma'am? - It's a bit big. - Ma'am, it's a lamb. - Does it make that sound because it has detected blood?"

"*walks into confessional, closes door and sits down* Me: Alright. Look alive over there, Father, I've had a pretty wild week..."

"Why are condors such efficient fliers? All their luggage is carrion."

"Zoos shouldn't have realistic sculptures of animals. I'm not that smart, people."