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Joke of the Day

"When I grow up, I want to spend 1/3 of my life sleeping, 1/3 staring at a computer in a tiny cubicle and 1/3 hating myself. (realistic kid)"

"I suspect Elmer Fudd is an r/jokes mod, and I have evidence [wemoved]"

"""Know what, son? We should do all of our miracles before cameras exist."" - God"

"My internet goes at 20mb per second... wonder how much faster it goes per first!"

"How do you know which bear to talk to in a bar? You have to read ursine."

"I was cornered in an alley way by a German holding a sausage I looked him straight in the eyes and bravely said ""go on, do your wurst"""

"From grandma: Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In memory of all the faces that were buried there."

"My girlfriend calls me Ronda Rousey Because I only last 45 seconds in the ring."

"Replace his deodorant with a glue stick so he thinks of you every time he tries to raise his arm to put around the shoulders of another girl"

"Cherish your high school friendships, those people will be strangers for the rest of your life."