201647

Joke of the Day

"Nothing interesting has happened today. I haven't been robbed at knifepoint. I haven't been sold into sexual slavery. I'll keep you updated."

"[1st moon landing] Mission Ctrl: Be sure to say something important & profound Neil: Ok *steps onto moon* Neil: *clears throat* I'm a vegan"

"i love that kanye gets into very specific beefs with ppl i have to google but he's nice enough to say both their first & last name"

"I don't trust left handed people. there is something not right about them."

"A guy wins a contest s] \ A guy wins a contest at home depot Home depot manager:""Alright sir for your prize would you rather have a ladder or 1 million dollars?"" Man:""I'll take the latter."""

"What did the 80 grit sandpaper say to the 36 grit sandpaper? You're a little rougher than I'm used to, but I'll grit and bear it. I'm sorry, that joke was a little rough ;D"

"What is something that cannot lift off the ground? Your career"

"Life is like a toilet paper... You're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole."

"What do you call someone who smokes two doobies at once? Double jointed. What do you call someone who can smoke three at once? Dead. Don't do drugs."

"How do you make holy water? Fill a container and boil the hell out of it"