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Joke of the Day
"What is something that cannot lift off the ground? Your career"
Next Joke
"What did the man do after he fucked the tightest pussy... ...put the diaper back on."
"As the head emerged from my wife's vagina, one of the doctors turned to me. He said, ""Are you excited?"" ""Of course,"" I replied. ""I haven't seen my Action Man in ages!"""
"You're leaving Twitter? For good? That's too bad. We'll miss you. See you next week!"
"[stacks of books on floor] Impressive, son. [son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others] ""Yep; perfect height"" [turns on Xbox]"
"I saw a lady texting and driving today... I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her."
"I'm on holiday visiting the math dept. at Univ. of Manchester, England. I guess I'm an Alan Turist."
"Fries are basically edible cigarettes. Delicious edible cigarettes."
"For me, the hardest part of the driving test was escaping before the car filled with ocean water."
"It takes many nails to build a crib... ...but only one screw to fill it."