201501

Joke of the Day

"TIL if Steve Irwin had worn sunscreen that fateful day, he would have survived. Apparently it protects against harmful rays."

"Samuel L. Jackson should make alarm clocks."

"If Apple made cars... ...would they have Windows installed?"

"Last night I was questioned by a detective, and then afterwards we had sex EDIT: Seriously, gilded? I'm speechless"

"How do you make two Oboists play in tune with one another? Shoot one of them."

"0 Two muffins baking in the oven. One says ""Bloody hell! It's hot in here."" The other spins around..... ""AAAHHHHHH!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!! GET ME OUT!!!!"""

"The Wall Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country."

"Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light."

"[me as a poltergeist] *putting forks in the spoon section of the cutlery drawer* ooooOooOooooo"

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Elephino \_()_/ "