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Joke of the Day

"Last night I was questioned by a detective, and then afterwards we had sex EDIT: Seriously, gilded? I'm speechless"

"What do you call a Russian with three nipples? Whodyanikanipplov"

"I'm Not Arguing. I'm Simply Explaining Why I'm Right.-Women"

"I shot a black man the other day. Now I'm being charged for impersonating a police officer."

"What is smarter? What is smarter, longitude or latitude?...Longitude, because it has 360 degrees."

"Me: Would you remarry if I died? Wife: Yes. Me: What?!? Would you at least WAIT awhile? Wife: Depends. Are you dead because I killed you?"

"Bought that new Mac Book Pro today. Apparently they crush up 100 Japanese children's retinas too make the display. Or something. I zone out."

"Dark humor is like clean water... it's just not accessible to everyone."

"How do you spell ""nose"" is Spanish? nose"

"My girlfriend found a spot between her boobs this morning, the doctor eased her worries telling her it was just her belly button."