201402

Joke of the Day

"I saw a guy at an ATM with no arms, and a peg leg He asked if I would help him check his balance... so I pushed him over"

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol."

"You know what they say about fleeting boners They cum and they go"

"I hope one day to have the chance to whisper ""what's she doing here?"" to the person next to me at a funeral."

".@WebMD a girl just texted me ""K"" am i going to die"

"Everyone needs a three hour nap after their breakfast pizza, right?"

"I like my coffee the way I like my women... ... Pale and weak."

"April showers bring May flowers. But what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims."

"School is like a boner, long and hard... Unless you're Asian..."

"I was talking to a 12 year old on the Internet when she told me she was an undercover cop I told her I was proud of her That's a really big job for a 12 year old"