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Joke of the Day
"Cute guy: Can I pet your dog? Me: (several blocks later) I have soft hair too. :("
Next Joke
"GOD: (creates earth) hell yea lizard planet! WINDOWSTM: restart planet for important updates GOD: um ok *dinos die, man appears* GOD: wtf"
"Drugs made me responsible. If it weren't for drugs I might have never started working at 15."
"Why don't dwarfs smoke pipe weed? Because it slows their *mine*"
"What happened to the brain eating zombie that went to Washington? He starved to death."
"Is there anything less intimidating than a cop on a bicycle? Wobble on, agent of justice, wobble on."
"I hate it when people say Amsterdam is only for smoking weed. I mean c'mon, there's prostitutes too!"
"Why is it so hard to contact comedians? Because their marketing is a joke."
"I've stepped on a Lego before so I'm calling bullshit on Godzilla and King Kong being that difficult to take down"
"What kind of bug can survive all winter? A bahumbug!"