201184

Joke of the Day

"What does a clock do when it's hungry? Goes back four seconds."

"Whoever thought of appetizers was literally like ""we should pregame this food w more food"" and I think that's really beautiful"

"What do you call a Canadian Spy Agency? The CIEh"

"I saw Denzel Washington on the street today. I said ""Hey Denzel! Can I get a picture with you?"" And he's all like ""I'm not Denzel Washington you racist piece of shit."" Classic Denzel."

"How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Only Juan."

"LPT: Never take advice from people on Reddit. Not even this."

"I don't have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites."

"Why are men like blenders? You need one but you're not quite sure why."

"[staff meeting] ""Ya so heads up, someone grabbed my lunch from the fridge, and there's a 420% chance you shouldn't eat the brownie inside"""

"If a tree falls in the woods can I stand under it so I don't have to go to work tomorrow?"