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Joke of the Day

"Birthdays are good for your health Studies have shown that people with more birthdays live longer."

"So I was going to tell you a joke about a broken pencil... But nevermind, it's pointless."

"I apologize for those affected, but at the same time I couldn't resist. I may have sinned. Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims; 110 stories in less than 10 seconds."

"Half of all marriages end in divorce... The other half end in death."

"I'd like to tell a joke about pedophiles but they're fucking immature assholes."

"Direct from my 8-year old: How do nursing babies blow their noses? With breast tissue."

"*catches son swearing through sign language* ""We don't use that language in this house"" *hands him hand sanitizer* ""You know what to do"""

"Exterminators: The only profession in which you put yourself out of business by being really good at your job."

"""Can I smash my head against your wall?"" ""Sure, knock yourself out."""

"I asked my friends how they decided they were going to have a baby... They said it was just sperm of the moment."