200929

Joke of the Day

"What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow ? Slush puppies !"

"How do you know a Brigham Young student's been mowing the lawn? The welcome mat is destroyed."

"What animal do I respect most? The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them."

"When preparing blood sausage, never cook it in the same pan as crip sausage."

"Why are people who suffers from insomnia so excited at the moment? They only have to sleep 3 more times until Christmas"

"me: siri, clear my evening appointments, i've got a date tonight. siri: ""lol yeah ok. beep boop beep. gotcha."""

"An Indian man on his death bed. ""Sanjita, my wife, are you here?"" ""Yes, my husband.""""My son and daughter, are you here?"" ""Yes, Papa.""""Then who's in the fucking shop?"""

"When I die I don't want a big funeral. I'd just like a few of my close friends to get together and try to bring me back to life..."

"Fortune Teller: I see a trip in your future Me [cancelling a week-long trip to Peru]: haha nope. wrong, idiot. [fall down stairs as I leave]"

"You mean ""apps"" isn't short for ""appetizers""? Why did I buy this smart phone if it can't download nachos?"