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Joke of the Day

"What animal do I respect most? The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them."

"Ideas that aren't profitable Don't make any cents"

"We'd been married for 5yrs before we heard the patter of tiny feet. In time even the kids learned to live with the massive rat infestation"

"[grandma's house] Little Red Riding Hood: Are you going to eat me? Wolf: I just want my hoodie back."

"I'd have an extra 18 hours of free time every day if I lost my phone."

"My friends say I have a gambling addiction... I bet I don't."

"Help your friends diet by replacing the light in their fridge with an air horn."

"Why does Snoop Dog always smile like he knows something you don't? Because he's been snooping around."

"Gurl are you Quantum Mechanics 'cause you got 10 different interpretations of everything, none of which fully corresponds with reality."

"""Honey, have you seen the baby? I haven't seen the baby since I asked you to throw out the bath wat--OH DEAR GOD!!"" - birth of an expression"