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Joke of the Day

"An Indian man on his death bed. ""Sanjita, my wife, are you here?"" ""Yes, my husband.""""My son and daughter, are you here?"" ""Yes, Papa.""""Then who's in the fucking shop?"""

"You know those people who only tweet once every couple of days? What do they have going on that I don't? I mean, besides a life."

"Don't you hate when someone has a great tweet idea, but they TOTALLY fuck up the wording, and it's you?"

"My friend told me a joke about a TV controller. It wasn't remotely funny."

"So when is too soon to ask your friend if you can borrow their baby to reenact The Lion King? One day old? Two?"

"You can tell a movie is going to be funny if one is the characters is shrugging in the poster. Because shrugging people will do anything!"

"Why doesn't Kanye West take his wife to the beach? Because he is afraid tidal wave will take her away from him."

"A Mexican magician says he's going to make himself disappear on the count of three.. He says, uno.. Dos.. And then he vanished without a tres!"

"Waitress dad jokes When waitress comes to the table ask if she takes orders ,""to go""? If she says yes respond with, ""Great! Get your purse we're leaving."""

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything"